Breaking News: Glorious Bipartisan Unity May Be Possible Without Obamessiah or McCain’s Arm; UPDATED
This just in: (press play for soundtrack)
Hell has officially frozen over. It’s the end of the world as we know it. Stock up, dig shelters, await Armaggedon. Saturday Night Live has found common ground with — gasp — the Right. Some extremists might call it a slight lean toward moderate, or even a step toward the Light, I mean, Right. Apparently, we can agree. And it took the bailout to do it.
Forget McCain’s efforts to reach across the aisle. They aren’t needed when there’s so much crap floating around the Senate floor that both sides end up swimming in it equally. Turns out that we did not need the Obamessiah to unite us after all — all we needed for unity was the Sandlers, a fiscally mentally absent government, greedy subprime pigs, and a $700 billion “bailout” package funded by every job-holding, property-owning, tax-paying citizen of the United States of America.
Wow. Just wow. I feel a chorus of “We Are the World” rising up. Now if we only we can hold onto this moment, harness it to somehow create a steamroller of brotherly bipartisan love to flatten this ginormous piece of galactic government crap.
Taking tiny steps toward the Right and messing around with truth can be a slippery slope to fiscal conservatism, my SNL friends, a slippery slope. Feel free to stick around if you like. I’d like to thank Nancy Pelosi and W. for making this moment happen for us. It would not have been possible without you.
UPDATE: Oh, noes! Maybe SNL doesn’t want to be BFFs after all. Or something.
