Kick the Anthill

Yesterday, while eating my Cheerios, I was so moved when I saw the “Home Rescue Plan” segment on the Today Show that I must have soaked about three hankies crying with the Today crew (that’s about 10 seconds in Numenorean time), and then I switched back over to Curious George.

Why don’t we go back in time and live-blog this together? (insert time machine sounds here)  Acquire your own hankies, pour the Cheerios, and click to watch the video.

Matt Lauer: “…Lisa Meyers has a reality check.”

Oh, good.  She’s going to tell me how this bill is going to take money out of my pocket next April.

Lisa Meyers: “…the vast majority of those at risk of losing their homes will find that lifeline out of their reach.”

What?!?  Noooo.  You mean the Democrats “home rescue bill” isn’t going to save everyone on the good ship Foreclosure?  Nice jacket, Lisa.  The color does suit her.

Lisa Meyers: “…moment of weakness…got into trouble…refinance…redecorate…adjustible rate mortgage…”

Sorry, my brain is having trouble keeping up.  Set me straight here — so she deliberately gave up her affordable mortgage to put a red bowl on the table?  No?  So she sat down in front of a loan officer who told her that he adjustible rate mortgage would never go up, that she would always have an affordable payment with this refinanced interest rate?  Quick, somebody, find that loan officer and sue the bank!  No??  Silly me — I thought “moment of weakness” was just a new pair of shoes, or maybe a surround sound system…

Lisa Meyers: (finishes the Winfrey segment)

Wait, something’s missing.  Where were the hard core journalist questions?  ”What exactly did the loan officer tell you that misled you to sign for an ARM?”  “How long have you been trying to sell your house?”

Burt Eli: “Probably in the range of 10-20% of homeowners would be able to utilize this program.”

Out of 3,000,000, we’re looking at 300,000-600,000 folks.  Man, and you mean the Democrats in Congress didn’t see that coming in an election year?  Where’s Obama?  He’ll fix change this.

Lisa Meyers: “…a mortgage for $50,000 more than their home is worth…substantial credit card debt…car loans…”

Think I’m heartless yet?  Bring in the kiddies for the photo op to justify this collossal disaster of legislation.  Oh, I really do feel for families struggling.  But I’m really the wrong person to cry to — I work two jobs, go to school, and have not been able to buy a home of my own yet — I would rather wait until I know I can afford it than make a bad decision that I cannot get out from under.

April Salley: “It makes me disappointed…you know, you try to work hard and pay your bills, and it just seems like it doesn’t, you know, no one’s there to help you out.”

There’s the cream.  Right there, baby.  It’s our fault — my fault, your fault – that they are where they are. It’s the government’s responsibility to take taxpayer money and pay their mortgage.  Excuse me, but since you bought that bit, I wanted to see if I could also interest you in this piece of real estate I have for sale.  It’s a nice little bridge on the crosstown expressway (I-40) in Oklahoma City that is due for “improvements” very soon…

Lisa Meyers: “So the people in the most distress are not going to get any help.”

She mentioned previously that only those in good financial shape apart from their mortgage would be most likely to qualify.  I have to say that she appears correct that it does not make much sense.  But from where I stand, the fact that anyone would expect other struggling taxpayers to bail them out of bad decisions doesn’t make any sense either.  Neither does the fact that the House passed this bill and President Bush signed it.  Am I missing anything about this that does make sense?

Lisa Meyers: “One other thing, Matt.  Homeowners can benefit from this program only if their lenders are willing to take a loss on their original loan…so bottom line this is not going to save very many families facing foreclosure.”

Wow.  I guess everybody gets screwed in this deal.  The taxpayers, the foreclosure families, the taxpayers…let’s just hope that the Representatives that voted for this disaster get it, too, when their constituents get to the polls.

Matt Lauer: “Lisa, thank you very much for that report…”

Sorry…tears…another hanky… I just get all misty eyed when Matt feels so much compassion.  Note to self: check for the same solemn tone the next time he does a report about a Hamas suicide bomber in Israel.  Seriously awesome acting acrobatics — the next segment is the super perky “Who Knew?” real estate edition.  You know, the Today Show would make a fortune if they would open an acting school to teach us how they do it.

It’s no joke that there are a lot of families that need help — but the help they need is not the kind comes in the form of a superhero Democratic Congress here to save the day by fleecing my pocketbook so they can win some voters this election season.  They need credit counseling.  They need to make the same kind of tough decisions all of the rest of us have to make — they need to stop spending more than they make, they may need to move to a less expensive state, and they need to understand what to do with the money they have got.

For Pete’s sake — we hear stories all the time about how Congress has called in people to testify before committees — how hard would it have been for them to call in Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman for a little sound financial advice?  I’d bet they’d be willing to do it for a tax write-off.

Just to show that even though I may be heartless, I’m not a complete monster — here’s where to get help if you need it.